Credits -- Two people to specifically thank, for getting me to post this article! :)
Yes, this is one of those rants which you’ll typically hear from girls trying to be like – “The kind of guys we meet on dates”, “Them boring men”, “Arranged, or what?” etc. Hey girls, this is just the other side of the table.
Yes, this is one of those rants which you’ll typically hear from girls trying to be like – “The kind of guys we meet on dates”, “Them boring men”, “Arranged, or what?” etc. Hey girls, this is just the other side of the table.
Arranged Marriage introduces a ton of uncertainty, lack of
confidence or mixed emotions when it comes to “picking” your life partner, from
the partner pool available. I’ve dated around a fair amount, and also been in
love in the past – but been in the arranged marriage process for about a year
now, and it has been nothing but a joy ride! I was not forced into it, I signed
up for it because I was one of the many late 20 year olds, who was worried
about spending the rest of my life, alone. Well just partially kidding, I think
I was ready for marriage (actually, since the past couple years) but never found
someone who fit the bill perfectly, as yet.
As much as you would struggle with hitting it off with
someone, you know it when you know it – it is nothing but connection, something I’ve struggled to have with so many girls I’ve
been with or met in the past few years. Today, I’m going to touch upon yet another
controversial subject of the kinds of girls you will come across during an
arranged marriage process. Before I type away, I just want to call out that
this is purely based on my experience and I don’t mean to or wish to call anyone
out here – if you are one of them, and do resonate with my thought process my
only request to you is you should probably introspect within yourself and try
to rationalize if how you behave with someone is justified or not. Everything is
very subjective, and this article is not meant to point fingers at one person
or the other. We all signed up for this, and I’m only here to highlight some behavior
patterns that I faced during my short time in this process (which hopefully
ends soon).
The Non-Committer (Always in FOMO, Confused)
This is the kind of girl who is thoroughly confused of her
role within the process. She really doesn’t know what she is doing here, and
how she should behave with the guys. Probably, parent pressure or maybe lack of
assurance of finding a guy outside of this process has brought her here. But
her heart, mind and soul are clearly someplace else. I wouldn’t really waste
time talking to her, unless she has made up her mind to take this seriously –
ask her that question, maybe more than once.
I know I’m needy, but I just won’t admit
it (
This is probably one of the scariest types you would have to
deal with. I wouldn’t necessarily say that intentions are malicious here, but
these are the ones who tend to be more needy and clingy. I’ve spoken and spent
time with a few of those and I attribute their behavior to past circumstances
that would have required them to let go off someone they didn’t want to, or
maybe just a lack of sheer relationship maturity. They can totally burn a guy
out, and make them lose interest in them in just a few days’ time. If you think
someone’s worth it, give them their space and a give them a chance to want to be with you and not need to be with you!
24 hours to being a wife (Please call 1800 – WIFE)
I’ve had the privilege of knowing so many such women, who
after just one conversation decide to become your self-proclaimed wife. I largely
blame this on Bollywood, and our upbringing – where a girl grows up forming an
image of her “ideal” guy and if a guy even remotely fits into that image, boom –
they are your wife the very next day you speak to for the first time. Right
from sending you lovely dovey good morning messages, to checking up on you every
30 minutes to ensuring you’ve eaten in time and enough. All of this is sweet
but I believe bonds / relationships, etc. should be given a chance to grow and
evolve else it can be very suffocating if force fitted. 1800 – WIFE would be a
toll free number, but unfortunately this will take a toll on you!
Ok, you’re good – but can we talk about me for the next foreseeable time?
These girls make for very good sales-women who can see
nothing beyond themselves. Most of the times, they would start a directed
conversation with you just so that they can market a quality, activity or deed
about themselves. You might listen once, twice or maybe thrice – but eventually
they will never really get to know you for who you are since they would be so
involved in themselves!
Oh hey, I really think you’re the best guy I’ve known – but I just don’t see myself with you (The un-interested one!)
You would not know this type, until you really give it time.
They might be like just like any other prospect, but eventually if you try to
get to know them more – you will get obvious vibes that they are uninterested.
Typically, what I’ve seen is that they already are in a committed relationship and
are unable to socialize it with their parents for whatever reasons so they
chose to jump into this. As much as I empathize with them, guys like me are
here for the real show and not a drama – so please don’t waste our time with
these politically correct statements all the time!
I have a boyfriend, I do like him a lot but I also want to get to know you and see where this goes (Say what girl??)
This is the most interesting sorts, amongst the lot. They are
usually the types who have kept their boyfriend as an option (Well, lucky for
me ;) ) – And are out there looking for a “better” match. Hey girl, why keep the poor guy hanging then, ha?? I’ve also been asked this question by one of
those girls that do you think I should leave my boyfriend? And I was like, I’m
not here playing agony aunt Felicia! Run far far away from them, simple because
if they could do this to someone they were committed to, nothing can stop them
from them doing this to you if and when you’re committed to them.
I might act insecure sometime (or maybe always) but its only coz I love you so much! (#exhalessss)
These are those girls, who usually play victim and have
apparently lost a lot in this process and life in general and nothing else
matters to them in this world more than you (at least that’s what they make you
feel) – they mask your happiness, well-being under their insecurity umbrella
and won't think twice before ensuring you’re only speaking to them (Arranged
Marriage Thumb Rule #1 – If someone tells you they are only talking to you, they
are probably lying. If they’re saying the truth, don’t let them go! ) I would highly
recommend, finding an exit route from girls like these, because their ego and
insecurities can take over them, and how!
Miss Popular, or maybe Miss Trying-to-act-Popular (Give it a miss, please!)
You’ll know this girl at the get go, because she will make
you realize how many prospects are basically ready to kill to be with her – but
she’s choosing to talk with you. I find these kinds very shallow, no offense!
They lack basic respect for the opposite person, and if you stumble upon them –
make sure you walk away and wish them luck with all their “option”. (Arranged
Marriage Thumb Rule #2 – You will always be an option in a prospects life, if
they don’t turn you from being an option to a priority, stick around! :) )
Oh wait, one second – let me get my crystal ball.
These girls are probably still in this process, because they
have successfully managed to drive away plenty guys in their past by their obnoxious behavior. I’ve had the worse few months of my life dealing with one. Guess
what she was needy, and 24 hours to a wife too on top of it! At a blink of their
eye, in between discussions or day to day conversation they would bring their
crystal ball and start their fortune telling sessions. Hey girl, I’m here
looking for a companion and not a soothsayer! Although, be very careful before
asking them to tone down – coz most of them will take it negatively and retaliate
– word of advise :)
Pehla nasha, Pehla khumar- hello madam, did you mistake Tinder for Shaadi.com?
Last but not the least, these are the ones who in today’s
time decide to let go off dating apps, friends, etc. to find their love and
chose shaadi.com instead. To me, this raises eyebrows sooner than otherwise. I’ve
always learnt over time with them, that they were looking for love – yes, but
were never able to find it elsewhere for some issue of theirs. Be careful, you
guys – these are the real drama queens!
There is so much uncertainty in life as well as this process,
you can never know what’s in store which is why you give every single prospect
at least a chance. You will meet such interesting people (yes, I’m being
sarcastic) that there are days you would want to pull your hair and ask
yourself, what am I really doing here? I agree, some people find their life
partners via this medium but I would really tell everyone out there, guys and
girls – if you’re not in this for the real deal, then don’t be in it. It indeed
takes a lot of toll on the opposite person and their families.
In one of my posts in the past, I have specified one thing
and I will re-iterate it here – if people have wronged you in the past, doesn’t
mean you will typecast people and don’t give them a chance and let them be a
part of your future. Mutual respect, understanding and patience are the three
key virtues to emerge out successful and happy in this process. Not everybody
is like you, people are different and respecting who they are and what they can
be is very crucial in getting to know whether they would make for a good life
partner for you or not.
PS - How about you girls, flip the switch on this post and maybe you'll find a reason to feel that we guys also pretty much exhibit one of more of the above qualities - thoughts?
PS - How about you girls, flip the switch on this post and maybe you'll find a reason to feel that we guys also pretty much exhibit one of more of the above qualities - thoughts?
I’d like to hear from you folks, what do you feel about this
and if there are any more types of girls you might have met – would be happy to
listen to what you guys have to say and any opinions you might have.
All the best, you guys!
Cheers,
Adi
